/* This JavaScript (Random Quotes) developed by Scott Clark
The Source is available at http://www.clarksco.com/blog/
Copyright 2005 Clark Consulting */

var num_of_quotes = 31;
quotes = Math.floor (num_of_quotes * Math.random());

if (quotes==0) {
title="(Douglas Adams)";
body="It's no coincidence that in no known language does the phrase 'As pretty as an airport' appear.";
}

if (quotes==1) {
title="(Douglas Adams)";
body="The Macintosh may only have 10% of the market, but it is clearly the top 10%.";
}

if (quotes==2) {
title="(Homer Simpson)";
body="I won't lie to you, fatherhood isn't easy like motherhood.";
}

if (quotes==3) {
title="(Marge Simpson)";
body="You can't say 'sex' on the Internet!!";
}

if (quotes==4) {
title="(Bart Simpson)";
body="Oh my god, the dead have risen and they're voting Republican!";
}

if (quotes==5) {
title="(Worf)";
body="Our gods are dead. Ancient Klingon warriors slew them all	millennia ago. They were more trouble than they were worth.";
}

if (quotes==6) {
title="(Benjamin Franklin)";
body="Those who would give up Essential Liberty to purchase a little Temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety.";
}

if (quotes==7) {
title="(The Report of the 9/11 Commission)";
body="Our history has shown us that insecurity threatens liberty. Yet, if our liberties are curtailed, we lose the values that we are struggling to defend.";
}

if (quotes==8) {
title="(Mark Twain)";
body="...If statistics are right, the Jews constitute but one percent of the human race. It suggests a nebulous dim puff of stardust lost in the blaze of the Milky way. properly, the Jew ought hardly to be heard of, but he is heard of, has always been heard of. He is as prominent on the planet as any other people, and his commercial importance is extravagantly out of proportion to the smallness of his bulk. His contributions to the world's list of great names in literature, science, art, music, finance, medicine, and abstruse learning are also away out of proportion to the weakness of his numbers.";
}

if (quotes==8) {
title="(Mark Twain)";
body="The Egyptian, the Babylonian, and the Persian rose, filled the planet with sound and splendor, then faded to dream-stuff and passed away; the Greek and the Roman followed; and made a vast noise, and they are gone; other people have sprung up and held their torch high for a time, but it burned out, and they sit in twilight now, or have vanished. The Jew saw them all, beat them all, and is now what he always was, exhibiting no decadence, no infirmities of age, no weakening of his parts, no slowing of his energies, no dulling of his alert and aggressive mind. All things are mortal but the Jew; all other forces pass, but he remains. What is the secret of his immortality?";
}

if (quotes==9) {
title="(Pirkei Avot)";
body="Intelligent people know of what they speak; fools speak of what they know.";
}

if (quotes==10) {
title="(Theodore Herzl)";
body="It is true that we aspire to our ancient land. But what we want in that ancient land is a new blossoming of the Jewish spirit.";
}

if (quotes==11) {
title="(Abba Eban)";
body="The Arabs never miss an opportunity to miss an opportunity.";
}

if (quotes==12) {
title="(Abba Eban)";
body="If Algeria introduced a resolution declaring that the earth was flat and that Israel had flattened it, it would pass by a vote of 164 to 13 with 26 abstentions.";
}

if (quotes==13) {
title="(Golda Meir)";
body="There were no such thing as Palestinians. When was there an independent Palestinian people with a Palestinian state? It was either southern Syria before the First World War, and then it was a Palestine including Jordan. It was not as though there was a Palestinian people in Palestine considering itself as a Palestinian people and we came and threw them out and took their country away from them. They did not exist.";
}

if (quotes==14) {
title="(Golda Meir)";
body="Let me tell you something that we Israelis have against Moses. He took us 40 years through the desert in order to bring us to the one spot in the Middle East that has no oil!";
}

if (quotes==15) {
title="(Mel Brooks)";
body="I've been accused of vulgarity. I say that's bullshit.";
}

if (quotes==16) {
title="(Mel Brooks)";
body="I'm the only Jew that's made a nickel off of Hitler!";
}

if (quotes==17) {
title="(Henny Youngman)";
body="I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up -- they have no holidays.";
}

if (quotes==18) {
title="(Henny Youngman)";
body="Look, I'm not going to engage in a battle of wits with you. I never attack anyone who is unarmed.";
}

if (quotes==19) {
title="(Yitzhak Rabin)";
body="Military cemeteries in every corner of the world are silent testimony to the failure of national leaders to sanctify human life.";
}

if (quotes==20) {
title="(Jon Stewart)";
body="We declared war on terror -- it's not even a noun, so, good luck. After we defeat it, I'm sure we'll take on that bastard ennui.";
}

if (quotes==21) {
title="(Jon Stewart)";
body="Divorce isn't caused because 50% of marriages end in gayness.";
}

if (quotes==22) {
title="(Jon Stewart)";
body="As time goes on it has become aparent that President Bush has developed a sophisticated exit strategy...for getting out of questions about an exit strategy.";
}

if (quotes==23) {
title="(Stephen Colbert)";
body="And though I am a committed Christian, I believe everyone has the right to their own religion - be you Hindu, Jewish, or Muslim, I believe there are infinite paths to accepting Jesus Christ as your personal savior.";
}

if (quotes==24) {
title="(Stephen Colbert)";
body="Fox News gives you both sides of every story: the president's side, and the vice president's side.";
}

if (quotes==25) {
title="(Homer Simpson)";
body="Marge, are we Jewish?";
}

if (quotes==26) {
title="(Lisa Simpson)";
body="I have a Jewish imaginary friend. Her name is Rachel Cohen, and she just got into Brandeis.";
}

if (quotes==27) {
title="";
body="At an Orthodox wedding, the bride's mother is pregnant. At a Conservative wedding, the bride is pregnant. At a Reform wedding, the rabbi is pregnant. At a Reconstructionist wedding, the rabbi and her wife are both pregnant.";
}

if (quotes==28) {
title="(Peter Gibbons, 'Office Space'";
body="Doesn't it bother you that you have to get up in the morning and you have to put on a bunch of pieces of flair? You know, the Nazis had pieces of flair that they made the Jews wear.";
}

if (quotes==29) {
title="(Jen, Dinkycast, www.dinkycast.com)";
body="I would say Jews in Alabama is like going to a really good class in college.  Because after I listen to it, I always feel smarter and I always feel happy that I listened to it.";
}

if (quotes==30) {
title="(Hasidic teaching)";
body="If your child has a talent to be a baker, don't tell him to be a doctor.";
}




//document.write('<div align=center>');
document.write('<i>'+ "'" + body + "'" + '  </i>');
document.write(' ' + title);
//document.write('</div>');